Introduction
- We have a real empathy problem.
- Why is this HR guy talking about empathy?
- I’m a CEO and a recovering lawyer. I spent the beginning of my law career practicing global labor law. I thought all I do everyday is fix problems rather than getting out in front of them. It was what I did, but it was not who I was.
- While I loved my role as a lawyer, I realized that I could be more effective in Human Resources, emphasis on Human.
- I was sitting in my office at Blockbuster. I got a call from the principal. He called to ask me about taking on the VP of HR. I called Grandma to tell her. She went silent. Then she said, “Why would you do that?”
- We could be a profession with the unique ability to do good for others.
- First couple of weeks on the job, I asked, “Why is everyone so angry?” There was a rise of apathy and a decline of empathy. It was going to create a problem for our society.
Apathy
- I read the heart-wrenching story of Sheila. She died in her apartment at 58. Her body was not discovered for 2.5 years after she died. No one made it a point of going into the apartment to check on her. She was forgotten. Everyone failed to “join the dots.” This was full apathy on display.
- This was mankind at its worst.
- There are many more Sheilas amongst us at work, in malls. They are unseen, unheard, unconnected.
- COVID-19 exposed a major issue that has spread around the globe. People have lost faith in our oldest institutions. Our public trust is broken. Witnesses use their phone not to help you but to record for social media.
Empathy-Deficit
- We have an empathy-deficit. We have given up on understanding the hearts of fellow human beings.
- How did we arrive at this empathy-gap?
- We have set up a ME vs YOU rivalry.
- We are at once more diverse and more divided than we have ever been.
- We can curate messages. We don’t have to know what the other side thinks. As long as it is different, it is wrong.
- Deep down, don’t we want all the same thing? The problem is that we want to each do it our own way. We are conditioned to think only about ourselves, the polar opposite of empathy.
- We used to be grounded in a notion of the common good and collective responsibility.
- As humans, we want to know and understand each other. It’s not something we need to learn; it’s something we have to use.
- Empathy is a muscle. It is our responsibility to strengthen empathy in society, to reverse the deficit.
What Can I Do to Infuse Empathy
- Pat’s performance has declined steadily over the past year. Pat says “I’m fine.” Pat has always met deadlines. Pat is going through a divorce. Her kids are failing school. Their spouse has moved out and refuses to give support. Pat’s dependents include her teenagers and 70 year old parents. Pat’s mom was just diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. Pat’s life is a life that is running out of margin.
- How many Pats do you have?
- As leaders, we are positioned to help all the Pats on our team by leaning into and focusing on them.
- Sometimes the most important thing you can do for someone is to try and understand them. We call that empathy.
- Global leaders, we must lead. The word lead is more than just a word, it’s a verb.
- We must start with ourselves. The people in your organization need us. As leaders we must practice empathy daily. We must live it. We must demonstrate it.
- Engage in discussions, not debates.
- Be an extreme listener.
- We are born with two ears, one mouth. We were born to be quick to listen, slow to speak.
- We must be present and observe.
- Embrace diversity.
- We have a lot more in common than we have in different.
- Celebrate, not denigrate, our differences.
- Receiving people with honor does not mean you’re condoning their opinion.
- Instead of judging, ask yourself, “What led them to this point?”
- Meet people where they are and understand how they got there before you can help take them somewhere else.
- Be kinder.
- Kindness does not need to be grandiose or flamboyant.
- Kindness is in short supply today.
- Let people see that you see them.
- Kindness is contagious, better caught than taught.
- Kindness has an immeasurable ROI.
- Give civility, respect, love.
- Something written by an 85 year old woman dying in Kentucky. “If I Had My Life to Live Over Again” by Nadine Stairs.